i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
