I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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