I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
