I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
