Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
