just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
