Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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