Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
