just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
