eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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