Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
