omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
