I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
