last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
