No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Did we literally take a cab across the street
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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