he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
