pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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