Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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