She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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