but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
