I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
