Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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