Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
