This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Randomize
