he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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