I wish they made helmets for livers.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
this will be a night to untag.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm getting married
To pizza
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
