Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
