So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
