Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
