She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
