I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
