There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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