hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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