Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
