Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
