So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
either way he was missing a nipple.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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