I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
