she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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