he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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