Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
