Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
