I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
