i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
