you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
