Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
