Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
