why didn't you poke me back
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
