Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
