you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
