life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
